Lennox Raphael, Poem

OUROPIA

IN THE BEGINNING WERE THESE WORDS

LUSTRAL FEARS BORN OF REDEMPTIVE TEARS,

SHADOWS WHOSE BREATHING STEPS ON TOES OF GHOSTS

DANCING NEATLY AGAINST CORNER STONES,

HOLES WHOSE DEPTHS WERE BANDIED ABOUT AS JUSTIFIABLE RESENTMENTS

PILED OUTRAGEOUSLY ON BACKS OF STRIATED TURTLES

WHOSE WINGS HERALD AN UNKNOWN PRESENCE,

TIME, LABYRINTHS OF CANDIED HEARTS,

BITTERSWEET MEMORIES OF DISTANCES WEEPING THEMSELVES TO DEATH

REBORN AS SCORPION BIRDS,

WOODPECKERS WITH GOLDEN BEAKS,

VOICES FROM OTHER VOICES NEVER BEFORE HEARD,

CRIES OF JOYFUL MOURNING,

TIMES RISING FROM OTHER TIMES,

SHADOWS BECOMING LIGHT,

DARKNESS THE MOTHER OF LOVE

TONGUE ENCRUSTED WITH JADE & RIVER DIAMONDS,

DAZZINGLY AS A CHARM WHOSE STING IS ITS VISITATION:

& I KEPT BACKING BACK & BACK

& BACKED AGAINST DRAPES SEPARATING ANTEROOM DOOM

FROM TEMPLE HISS OF BLUE MOON KISS

I FOREVER MISS

I SHIVERED LOVE & CRUELTY

FELT SPARKLES DOWN MY THROAT TO HORRORLAND

WHERE ALL GOOD THINGS FIND THEIR TIME PRESERVATIVES

AS BONELESS SOULS TIED TO EXPRESSIBLES

OF WHY WE NEED LOVE TO HATE SO COPIOUSLY

IN EQUAL GROPE EFFORTS OF HUMAN SPIRITS MAKING CANOES OF TIME

JUST LIKE FUNKENSTEIN DID IN DOCUDAMNASCAVANERUS BURRISTOSO BEGABA.

THIS IS THE MEANING OF THIS,

BODY OF WATER CHASING TEARDROPS IN HOT SNOW

HEY, WAIT FOR ME AROUND THE NEXT CORNER

I WILL EXCHANGE MY LIES FOR BRAND NEW FABRICATIONS OF LIQUID INDIFFERENCES

WE ARE POETICALLY DECLASSIFYING CONSCIOUSNESS

THE SADDEST WOUNDS ARE THOSE LEFT OPEN LIKE GRIEVING FAUCETS

I DON’T KNOW THE MEANING OF ALL OF THIS,

AND NEITHER DO(ES) YOU

MUCH OF LIFE IN LAST CIVILIZED/UNCIVILIZED CENTURIES

HAS BEEN PRETENSE

LITTLE LEFT REALLY TO BELIEVE IN,

BUT, STILL, WE CLING TO HOT LINES ABOVE HOLES IN OUR HEADS

WHAT’S LEFT ARE MASKS OF DILUTED SELVES

RECREATIONAL CRUELTY IS THE NEW ROMANCE, STRONGER NOW THAN EVER,

SIMPLY MORE PATRIOTIC, MORE ROMANTICALLY IDIOTIC,

LUBRICATED BY FADING DESIRES, BRUTE POLITENESS OF VAMPIRES,

CONDOMS OF BROKEN HEARTS CAREENING DOWN PRECIPITIOUS MOUNTAIN PATHS

LINED BOTH SIDES BY LAUGHING CROSSES

THE GOD (ALREADY DISCREDITED BY FRACTURED SILENCE) FREE FROM BLAME

& NOW PART OF THE PROBLEM, OR, PERHAPS, THE PROBLEM ITSELF,

ATTRACTIVENESS BASED ON PROMISES OF FORGIVENESS BY ANY MEANS POSSIBLE

BLISS OF IGNORANCE NOW HOLY WATER GARGLING MEMORIES

ALL DREAMS, ILLUSIONS, GAMES OF CHANCE

STEPPING DELIRIOUSLY ON TOES OF A FUTURE ALREADY EMBALMED BY DESIRE;

GROPING FOR COMPASSION AND EMPATHY,

PATCHWORKS OF GUILT AND CARELESS SATISFACTION;

CALCULATED INDIFFERENCE TO REALITY—

KNOWING NOT & NO LONGER CARING WHETHER UP WAS DOWN OR DOWN UP,

SEEING/HEARING NO DIFFERENCES BETWEEN GOOD & BAD

IGNORING GOOD WEATHERNESS, FORGETTING CLIMATE FATE.

SOCIAL DISTANCING IS THE LAW—REALITY, UNREALITY—TIME & INDIFFERENCE,

BOILING HEIDEGGER’S EGG & HAVING IT WITH A PINCH OF SALT,

UNWRITTEN RULES,

SIDE LETTERS OF INCOMPREHENSIBLE INVISIBILITY OF VIRUS GAZE,

DESIRE COUCHED IN FEAR, ANARCHY + CONTRAVENTION—

WERE GOD TO STEP OUT OF THE SKY HIS BIG CONCERN WOULD BE WHY

BETWEEN SLEEP & DARKNESS THEN, WHAT REALLY IS TIME—

IS IT STILLBORN AS HEIDEGGER’S RESPONSE TO GUILT AND TIME?

EVENTUALLY THAT SAME TIME WOULD FALL FROM A TREE.

FORGIVE THEN EVOLUTION OF IGNORANCE & ITS PLACE IN THE WORLD TODAY

LANGUAGE INHIBITS MIND, THOUGHTS ARE WILD

RESIST BEING BOARDED UP LIKE MEMORIES OF ARTIFICIAL ILLUSION

DEBACLE AFTER DEBACLE, BOREDOM, MY SOLE COMPANION,

DISCREDITED INTERPRETATIONS OF CONSPICIOUS CONSUMPTION OF THOTS

BIT BY BITCH JUNGLE RICH POOR OF HEART,

QUESTIONS OF WASTE NOT,

STARTLED IMAGES, GOD IN NEED OF REFUGE & KIND RECIPROCITY,

MINDLESS ANGELS DESTRUDED BY THEIR WINGS

OUT OF PHILOSOPHY AS LAISON WITH NOTHINGNESS;

AND ONE’S TICKET TO HEAVEN DOOMED AS ARTIFICE,

JOYFUL, HAPPY & DISTRESSED, EMPTIED OF FULLNESS;

TALES TO FORGET MEMORIES OF SEX AS ENGINES OF MORALITY.

ONLY TO BE TOLD TO APPRECIATE HEAVEN YOU HAVE TO HAVE BEEN TO HELL

HAVE TO BE CONSCIOUS OF HOW WE LIVE, COMPULSION, REPULSION,

PITS OF LOVE, EVERYTHING MEASURED BY IMMEASURABLES,

SYMBOLIC TRAGEDIES OF DESIRE INFLAMED BY ONE’S FATE (IN FATE)

ABSENCES OF ABSTENTION FROM WHAT’S EASILY UNDERSTOOD

AS FRUIT OF UNBORN SEEDS OF SILENCE AS NOISE OF PRESENCE

WHERE JOY TOO IS DARKNESS OF CHANCE ON THIS JOURNEY TO NOWHERE

I DON’T WANT TO UNDERSTAND ANYTHING

I DON’T WANT TO UNDERSTAND OR MISUNDERSTAND

TO EXIST WITHOUT NEED IS THE BARE MINIMUM REQUIRED OF THE DEAD.

THE JOY THEN IS TO BE LOST IN THE JUNGLE

WHERE TIME IS JUDGED AS INTERFERENCE WITH UNCERTAINTY.

IN THIS POOLROOM (THEN) WE ARE WHAT WE ARE

NOT BECAUSE MEMORY IS HEAVEN’S BURDEN OF SADNESS

AS JOY & AMENABLE CONSEQUENCES

NOW BEGINNING AND BEGINNING NOW

FATE REFUNDED AFTER OPTING OUT OF HONEY BACK GUARANTEE

EMBROIDERED WOUNDS NO LONGER AFRAID OF THE FUTURE

I BURN MY SOUL FOR FUEL & POSTPONE THE DUEL

SUNDAY MORNING FROST ON APRIL DREAMS OF NEW MEMORIES

OF GODS & RUINS TURNED OVER & OVER AGAIN & AGAIN

WILDERNESS REFUSING TO OCCUPY THRONES OF THE SCORNFUL.

ANGELS, TORN APART BY DISRUPTIVE INNOCENCE, REGALE LONELINESS

& CAST ASIDE SATISFACTION TO AROUSE AN INCURABLE INVISIBILITY.

O, WHERE ARE THE TREES TIME WELCOMED TO DINNER

AFTER LONG MORNING MEDITATION

DISCOVERING LANGUAGE AS MEMORY EMBEDDED IN SILENCE

& REGURGITATED BY INNOCENCE THESE LAST MOMENTS OF THE PAST?

[“There’s a piece of avocado there.”]

[“I’d love some of it.”]

NOT THE WAY TO DO THINGS.

YOU JUST DON’T CARRY ON LIKE THIS

& ALLOW PEOPLE TO BELIEVE YOU ARE THE BEST CHRIST IN THE BOX

NOT NICE TO SHOW OFF LIKE A FOX WHOSE RECKLESSNESS IS ITS SORROW

ANYHOW, TIME IS SPIRITUAL DENTIST

ONLY DREAMS MATTER THIS ABSTINENCE FROM GOOD OR BAD

INVISIBILITY AS DRY SHOWER ON A RAINY DAY EXPLORING CLOSENESS & REGRET

LOVE IS JUST THE WOUND WE CEASE TO DISGUISE

AS LONELINESS WANDERS OFF INTO SELF-INVISIBILITY

DISMEMBERED MEMORIES STALKING OFF INTO NOLAND

—COOCOONISM AT ITS BEST “WORSE”,

DEPTHS OF SEX*PERIENCE SERVED ONLY TO CONFUSE

GAPING HOLES UNCOVERED BY PRETENSE;

BUT COULD LITERATURE BE MORE HEALING,

MORE SOOTHING THAN LOVE

LEAVING TIME TETHERED TO HER RED LIPS,

PERSONAL HANGING BY A THOUSAND KISSES AFLAME BEFORE EDGES OF THE FUTURE

ALL OF THIS TO BLOCK OUT AN EVEN MORE COMPROMISING SATISFACTION.

BY THEN, I HAD HAD MY FAIR SHARE OF CROCODILES,

& WAS BUSY RUNNING OUT OF POLITENESS

“You’re quite mistaken, this is not your memory. It’s a dream I had two weeks ago. As time passes it is no longer a dream, now a realization, words stripped of their meaning(s) and structures and no longer superfluous as ambivalent sentences.

How then do we pick up the phone & order thoughts of exquisite tuxury.

We are dressed therefore to kill – especially instincts & readymade fear,

Such disobedient interpretations.

Metaphors whose invisibilities are themselves cloaks:

half of my well-oiled body sticking out of a shallow grave designed as trip wire,

No interpretation safe from disreputable ignorance.

Mixhaste.

I left a teardrop on my calling card.

We had spent too much time – wasted, I should say –

underestimating charms of loneliness & memories redacted by desire.

Imitating imitations is not the way”